i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
