guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
