I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
