You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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