Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
