My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Randomize
