I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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