Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
