She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
