thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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