I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
