so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
