she looked like the before picture.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We are all done wearing pants today
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
