I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
