i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
