if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You're like the curious george of whores
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
