Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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