doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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