i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
