I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
