Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize