I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
