ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
