I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found your dick twin last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
