please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
