I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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