I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
