Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
