i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
