lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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