Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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