YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
