I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
