If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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