she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
