note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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