You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
