I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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