i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
