There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
