sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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