I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
