So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
