Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
