I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
