I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
