We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
