Me too!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
