I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
