my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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