It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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