Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
