i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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