I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
