I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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