so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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