I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
