yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
