i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
