I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
