how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
