Soap is not a condiment
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A+ Viking dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
