i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
