Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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