No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
