Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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