good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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