Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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