I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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