Ambien. No doubt about it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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