I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
