it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
