The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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