You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
