She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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