You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
