pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
